#BARRYS GUIDE TO SURVIVING HIGHSCHOOL SKIN#
#BARRYS GUIDE TO SURVIVING HIGHSCHOOL CODE#

It does do some in-store television ads for its products that would have made for great short-form DRTV that could have driven more traffic to its stores. Steve & BarryвЂ™s does not advertise вЂ“ not in print, not on television, not on the Web. Too much word of mouth: LetвЂ™s start right there. HereвЂ™s just some of the things the retailer did wrong: A college hoodie similar in quality to the one that would cost you $75 at a university bookstore was, yes, $8.98.Д«ut from there, everything else backfired for Steve & BarryвЂ™s. The Steve & BarryвЂ™s business plan is simple: Everything in the store is $8.98 or less (though the high-price was flexible depending on the selling season, and for a while, every item was the same price). And for that matter, if Steve & BarryвЂ™s will ever come out of Chapter 11 or be forced to liquidate. But for some reason, the world seems surprised by its recent Chapter 11 filing.Д«ut once you start analyzing the retailer, you get that a-ha moment that makes you wonder how it survived for as long as it has. THE ``CUTTING EDGE'' CUTS NOTHING, YOUNG PEOPLE! Fact: For every leftover food item that American consumers are able to successfully wrap, they waste more than 37 square miles of plastic - enough to cover all of Manhattan Island, or the late Orson Welles.ДЄnd what is the Scientific Community doing about these problems, young people? THEY'RE CLONING SHEEP.Steve & BarryвЂ™s is about to leave a label scar in hundreds of malls across the U.S., including some it just signed agreements to move into. What you got was a golf-ball-sized wad that looks like a dead jellyfish. Let me ask you another question: Have you ever tried to wrap leftover food in clear plastic wrap? Have you ever tried to tear off a piece of that wrap using the so-called ``cutting edge''? If so, did you get a nice, square piece, like the one the cheerful homemaker always gets in the commercial? Don't make me laugh until saliva dribbles onto my commencement robe. NASA pastes those semi-circles on the nose of the Space Shuttle to protect it during re-entry.

Those semi-circles are reinforced at the package factory with titanium they can easily deflect bullets. Let me ask you, the Class of 1997, a question: Have you EVER been able to open a package by pressing that little semi-circle? I didn't think so. No, it is up to you, the Class of 1997, to take on the telephone companies, and also the companies that make the cardboard food packages that have the little dotted-line semi-circles that say ``PRESS TO OPEN.''

#BARRYS GUIDE TO SURVIVING HIGHSCHOOL SKIN#

My generation is currently occupied full time with applying skin moisturizers.

Who is going to fight this injustice? Not my generation. Do you want to know why the phone companies are so eager to get your long-distance business? Because pretty soon EVERY CALL YOU MAKE WILL BE TO A DIFFERENT AREA CODE, INCLUDING CALLS TO OTHER ROOMS IN YOUR OWN HOUSE, that's why. But today, in this ``anything-goes'' era of drugs and crime and inter-league baseball, ANY random three-digit number can be an area code, and the phone companies, which are all run by Candice Bergen, are adding mutant new ones at the rate of hundreds per day.

#BARRYS GUIDE TO SURVIVING HIGHSCHOOL CODE#

The answer, I am outraged to report, is ``954.'' What kind of area code is that? You are too young to remember this, but there was a time when there were only about five area codes in the entire world, and they all had either a ``1'' or a ``0'' in the middle, the way the Good Lord intended area codes to be, as in ``212,'' an area code that came over on the Mayflower. In the real world, there are few occasions when your boss rushes up to you and says: ``Tell me what percentage of the atmosphere is nitrogen RIGHT NOW or we'll lose the Winkersnood contract!'' In the real world, it's much more helpful to know things like what the area code for Fort Lauderdale is. Young people, you'll find that the things you learned in school will be vitally important to your success, provided that you are a contestant on Jeopardy.

Many times you have said to yourself: ``What good will these facts do me in the real world?'' As students, you have spent the past in school, memorizing facts such as who was the ninth president of the United States, and what percentage of the atmosphere is nitrogen. I meant this one: ``Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin', into the future.'' How true, true, true, young people! But by the same token, you must not forget another very important part of your lives: the past.

Barrys guide to surviving highschool